Parenting has been a struggle for me lately. I haven't had much joy. Lots of days I've been down right sad. You always love your kids, but some days I just feel like I don't like them. Does that make sense? I just want to be alone. I just want to spend time ALONE with my husband and watch a movie without having to pause it every 5 min because Conner is yelling in his room again. Then I feel guilty about it.
God has been working on my heart lately. I'm doing a Beth Moore bible study on the life of Paul called To Live is Christ. I'm also slowly reading through Sacred Parenting. I think my main problem is that I'm trying to be a Mom in my strength instead of in His. Instead of pouring out my heart to the Lord and asking for strength and wisdom, I tend to sit around frustrated and feeling sorry for myself.
Here are a few thoughts from the above book. I read it when I was pregnant with Conner, so I thought it was time to crack it open again. The focus of the book is our sanctification through parenting.
"the process of parenting is one of the most spiritually formative journeys a man and woman can ever undertake. Unless we are stone-cold spiritually, the journey of caring for, raising, training, and loving children will mark us indelibly and powerfully. We cannot be the same people we once were; we will be forever changed, eternally altered. Spiritually speaking, we need to raise children every bit as much as they need us to raise them."
The book also reminded me that having kids isn't about us. It's about Him. We are called to bear and raise children for the glory of God.
"...family life tries us as perhaps nothing else does; but let's also accept that, for most of us, this is God's call and part of his plan to perfect us. Once we realize that we are sinners, that the children God has given us are sinners, and that together as a family, we are to grow toward God, then family life takes on an entirely new purpose and context."