Long Time, No Post

Well, it's been awhile. Mostly because I have nothing to say or maybe too much to say. I don't want my blog to become a place where I go to complain. I think there's a real difference between being transparent and just plain complaining.

Parenting has been a struggle for me lately. I haven't had much joy. Lots of days I've been down right sad. You always love your kids, but some days I just feel like I don't like them. Does that make sense? I just want to be alone. I just want to spend time ALONE with my husband and watch a movie without having to pause it every 5 min because Conner is yelling in his room again. Then I feel guilty about it.

God has been working on my heart lately. I'm doing a Beth Moore bible study on the life of Paul called To Live is Christ. I'm also slowly reading through Sacred Parenting. I think my main problem is that I'm trying to be a Mom in my strength instead of in His. Instead of pouring out my heart to the Lord and asking for strength and wisdom, I tend to sit around frustrated and feeling sorry for myself.

Here are a few thoughts from the above book. I read it when I was pregnant with Conner, so I thought it was time to crack it open again. The focus of the book is our sanctification through parenting.

"the process of parenting is one of the most spiritually formative journeys a man and woman can ever undertake. Unless we are stone-cold spiritually, the journey of caring for, raising, training, and loving children will mark us indelibly and powerfully. We cannot be the same people we once were; we will be forever changed, eternally altered. Spiritually speaking, we need to raise children every bit as much as they need us to raise them."

The book also reminded me that having kids isn't about us. It's about Him. We are called to bear and raise children for the glory of God.

"...family life tries us as perhaps nothing else does; but let's also accept that, for most of us, this is God's call and part of his plan to perfect us. Once we realize that we are sinners, that the children God has given us are sinners, and that together as a family, we are to grow toward God, then family life takes on an entirely new purpose and context."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Just needed to scream here. I feel a little better now. Did any of you have a very defient toddler that turned into a wonderful child? I need some hope today.

Did any of you have a very busy child that is always getting into something? Two days ago he (I'm sure you can figure out which child I'm talking about without me saying) dumped an entire container of cumin seeds on the kitchen floor...that one took a long time to clean up. Yesterday, he got my very expensive Lancome lip gloss out of my purse and "painted" with it on his clothes and sheet. I got it last May for Spencer's wedding and use it very sparingly because it's my favorite. Just now I heard a big crash, while he's supposed to be having his "resting time". He had pulled out ALL the clothes from Shep's drawer and pulled the drawer out? What???? Why do 2 yr olds do things like that. It's wearing me out. Can anyone relate??

So Proud!

I just wanted to brag a little bit about my husband! He is having an orchestral piece played by the Austin Symphony Orchestra in their 100th Anniversary 2011-2012 Season. I'm so excited for this opportunity and so proud of how hard he works!

Let me back up a little. Around year ago Zack wrote a piece for twelve instruments called Triple Venti Latte. It was performed by the New Music Ensemble at UT. Peter Bay the conductor of the ASO is a friend of the NME Director and came to that concert. He loved Zack's piece and told him if he orchestrated it the Austin Symphony would play it! He orchestrated it last summer. Zack met with him yesterday to give him the score. The conductor is excited about the piece and told Zack he was going to pick an easier piece to pair with it, so they can spend a lot of time rehearsing and polishing Zack's piece. (His piece is very challenging) This is an amazing opportunity and his first major performance. So excited!!

Lots of Cuteness

I better write some of these stories and saying before I forget...I'm already forgetting.

Conner and I were reading this morning. He saw a bar of soap and said it was, "Scrubbery" Guess he combined slippery and scrub.

There is TONS of pollen around our apartment. The parking lot is full of little pollen mounds, which I think is quite gross. The cars are all covered with yellow film. Conner was kicking the pollen around this morning and asked me, "What is it?" I told him it was called pollen and it makes people sneeze. Now whenever he sees it he says, "Pollen...makes people sneeze. He then demonstrates, "ACHOOOOO!!" Shep can fake sneeze, too. It's quite hilarious.

The boys were outside playing. I wanted to take them for a little walk before bath time. I was telling Shep to come inside because we were going to go for a "little" walk. Conner immediately responded, "A LOOONNNGG walk".

I made Jamaican Jerk Chicken for dinner. Conner kept calling the brown rice "fries" for some reason. I'll let him think rice is fries...haha

Conner's imagination has really took off lately. It's very entertaining. The other night he was telling me there was a crocodile in his bed and that it bites people?? He wasn't scared or telling that to try to get out of sleeping, he was just telling me about it. When we were at the Dollar Tree there was an aisle with lots of fake plants and flowers. He was telling me how there were animals back there hiding in the bushes and he was looking for them. I gave Conner some ice water and he replied, "MMMMMmmmm, this is good coke!" Which is funny because we don't drink coke hardly ever. I think it's because he has dubbed anything we are drinking that he can't drink as "Coke" and I guess he wants to drink it.

The other night he announced out of the blue that he was "Super Conner". He wanted me to tie a blanket around his shoulders. The I had to have a cape too and be super Mommy. Believe me, I have NOT felt like a super Mommy lately. We had to fly around the house. He got that one from Dora. The map was "Super Map" with a cape in one episode. It's just funny to me that he understands all that. You wonder sometimes how much your kids are actually comprehending, ya know?

Ok, now sweet Shep's turn. Shep is learning our little routine. He gets positively giddy to go outside. If I get my keys out or walk towards the door he starts dancing up and down. He knows all the things he and Conner play. He loves to play with cars and will drive them all the places Conner does. It's so cute.

Shep is a food guy. If anyone is eating, he has to eat, even if he just did. He'll go over to his high chair and try to get in. He can't handle the grocery store. As soon as we get there is starts crying for all the food. Today I was attempting to cook some dinner in the afternoon. Conner had actually fallen asleep believe it or not. I got an onion out of the pantry and then got a knife and a cutting board. Shep noticed immediately and started walking/crawling over to me as fast as he could crying for some. I tried to tell him he didn't really want any onion. I got some raisins out and tried to give him one, but he threw it on the floor. He knew I was cutting something up and it wasn't raisins. I finally just gave him a piece. I thought, he'll see that raw onion isn't exactly the most appetizing thing to eat. I waited for him to spit it out or make a face. Instead he just grinned, buried his head in my shoulder and then wanted some more!! That boy. Maybe he'll be our Chef!

God is so kind to give me these little precious moments. This has been a hard week. Third night in a row of Zack being gone...3 more to go. The past three days have been exhausting and discouraging. Last night Conner fell asleep at 10:30 (so did I!) and got up at 6 am. I just feel like I NEVER get a break, since he keeps the same hours I do...haha. Here's a good example for you. Moms can't even go to the bathroom alone. The other day the boys were playing cars, like usual and I snuck away to use the restroom. It wasn't 5 seconds before Conner came in and said, "I found you, Mommy!!"

I tried a new bedtime routine tonight. Dinner-playtime-walk-bath-books and bed. We'll see how it goes. I was hoping the combination of a walk and a bath would calm them. Shep fell asleep no problem. I think Conner is still awake, but he's been in his room very quietly. No yelling or drama tonight. Will you pray that I'll have a break-through soon?

Time to Swim and Lots of Randomness

I planned to blog last night, but I wasn't able to get Conner to sleep until after 10 pm, so it didn't happen. I really don't know how he keeps those hours.

A cute story. Conner was sitting at the table yesterday finishing his lunch. I had left the room for a minute and I heard him saying something like, "This one is sick". I had no clue what he would be talking about. I came over and saw him very closely examining his pinkie finger. It had a little scab on it. He just kept going on and on about the finger being sick. I asked him if he wanted a band-aid and he said yes. I gave him a McQueen band-aid. He proudly showed Shep, who wanted to touch it. It was his first band-aid besides for shots.

Well, it's been pretty warm this week. I think summer is here now. It's finally pool time again! (I guess it hasn't been that long since we swam last. You can usually swim here from March-Oct) We have a great pool here. Conner has been asking a lot. We went on Wednesday and the water was still pretty cold. Today we went again and it was much better. I think this Momma and her two little boys will be spending a lot of time in the pool the next several months.

It was a little cold for Shep the firs time we went.

Today he got in and splashed around. Looks like I'll have two water babies.

It wasn't too cold for Conner. He had a blast.

Shep needed a little snack, like usual...haha.

I thought this one of Conner was so cute!

Swimming is such a nice option for something to do in the late afternoon. I'm sure any Mom with a little one(s) will agree how long 4-6 pm can get. Just 6 wks until Zack is done. I keep telling myself it will go by quickly. Most days I still feel like we're just surviving. Maybe that's normal? In addition to being gone ALL day, Zack will be gone Tues-Sat in the evening as well. I'm trying to plan some fun things to make the week not seem quite so long.

One more brother picture to close with. Today was not the best "brother" day. Usually, though, they are best buds. Shep can really play now, so Conner is much more excited to have him around. The other day, Conner kept wanting me to check on Shep to see if he was awake from his nap yet. He wanted Shep to play cars with him. Nothing makes me happier than to see my two little guys laughing and giggling together!