Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Conner and I made Easter cupcakes this morning while Shep napped. He was so excited. He could hardly wait for them to finish cooking.

I let him frost his own. We went on the back porch because I figured that was safer=)

He loved it!

The finished product! (I finished it for him...) Yummy!!

We took some over to the apartment office, to some friends nearby. It was just too dangerous to have 24 cupcakes in my kitchen. I also want the boys to learn about doing things for other people.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Big Week for Conner

So, Conner (anyone who knows him well is NOT going to believe this) has weaned himself from his passie. He just doesn't ask for it anymore. Last night he fell asleep without it for the first time in his 26 months of life. He never asked for it and never cried. Wow...that was painless. It took him until almost 10 pm to fall asleep (I think the passie relaxes him), but it usually takes him awhile to fall asleep anyway.

In other news, Conner also stopped napping this week. He gave up his morning nap on the young side, so it didn't surprise me when he gave up his afternoon nap young as well. My mom-in-law said her boys were all pretty young. Guess it runs in the genes=) He still has to have an hour of alone time (for both our sanity) in his room. He usually lays or stands as close to his door as possible without technically being out of his room...haha. Yesterday he actually fell asleep for a little while, so that was nice.

So yes, in addition to starting the potty training journey Conner gave up both his nap and his passie. Guess I really have a big boy now!!

I just have to gush on the weather lately!! IT.IS.AMAZING! We walked to the grocery story a little bit ago for some fresh produce. Sunny, 80 and a slight breeze. Not a cloud in the sky. Oh, I can't wait to be able to swimming soon! It won't be long now.

I also can't wait til we can be a family on the week-ends. I was kinda sad last night. Zack didn't get home until almost 8 pm and still had lots to do. I look forward to the day when we can do fun Friday night things. I can't wait til we can go for walks or to the park or to the farmer's market on Saturdays. It will be so much fun to do "family things". Ok, so I didn't mean to end this post on a sad note.

Friday, March 26, 2010


I have been convicted lately that I don't pray enough for my children. The last few days I have been making a concerted effort to pray for them more. To pray for their salvation, for behavorial issues and for patience and wisdom in disciplining them.

God has blessed it! I feel so much more joy and energy. I know my children are a blessing and heritage from the LORD, but I have been praying that I would see them more and more that way. What a privilege to raise children for his kingdom!

Conner has been struggling a lot with obedience and anger lately. Some days I felt like he didn't obey one thing I said and usually did quite the opposite. He's the child that if when you tell him to stay in his room will very slowly inch his feet forward until he reaches the door way and watch you for your reaction as he slowly pushes a foot across the threshold. Today he did much better.

Bedtimes and naptimes have continued to be a struggle as well. The past few weeks have been rough. It isn't unusual for it to take him 2 hrs to go to sleep at night. He gave his nap up this week, too. I've been praying for his sleeping and God has been answering. Conner has slept through the night the past two nights and has slept til well after 7. Tonight a MIRACLE happened. Conner was sitting on the loveseat looking through a car magazine I found for free at the library. He walked over to Zack and I around 8 pm and said, "Good night Momma, good night dada" and walked into his room and sat on his bed. He has been laying quietly looking through books since. This has NEVER happened. He has NEVER volunteered to go to bed. We just looked at each other and laughed.

I really think God is trying to tell me that he does bless those who seek him. When I try to be a Mom in my own strength I am discouraged, overwhelmed and down right sad at times. A few days ago I really felt like I couldn't do it anymore...I felt like a failure. God has been so gracious. I don't know why I continue to doubt Him and blame Him when things aren't going right in my life.

Thank you God for what you have been teaching me about my own heart. Thank you for giving me a desire to seek you. Thank you for allowing me to see progress in the life of my children. I feel so young and inadequate. Thank you GOD that you are faithful when I am so faithless.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

In the Beginning Part 1

Here is Shep's Story, Part 1. It's more for me than for anyone else. With Shep's 1st birthday fast approaching I find myself forgetting so many little details that you think you would never forget.

It was Sept 2, 2008 around 1 pm. Conner was 7 1/2 months old. I was beginn
ing to think something must be up. I was tired. Much more tired than usually. I was having to go to the bathroom all the time and I suspected my milk was drying up. What if I was pregnant...again. I had already had one "unplanned" pregnancy. I had a pregnancy test at home. I took it, turned it over and left the room. I was afraid to look. I finally got the courage to turn it over. It was positive. I was in shock. I started crying, asking God why this was happening. We lived in a 700 square foot apartment. Zack would still have 3 more years of school. We had no money, no insurance and no family around to help.

Spencer and Ashley had gotten engaged the week-end before. Literally, a few minutes after I found out I was pregnant, Ashley called me to ask me to be in the wedding! She said it would be in May. I remember thinking, a new baby, a graduation and a wedding...this is going to be a busy month!

I know this sounds weird, but I didn't tell Zack until Saturday morning. I knew he wouldn't be upset, but I was in denial. He was playing with Conner on the couch. I showed him the test and told him Conner was going to be a big brother. He was excited. Two of his brothers are about 16 mo apart and best friends. He was excited for Conner to have a sibling to grow up with. Seeing his excitement and thinking about how fun it would be to have two little ones growing up together made me more excited.

Slowly I began to get more excited. I saw a newborn in church one Sunday and felt something welling up within me. The baby was so tiny and beautiful.

I wasn't able to go to the doctor until the October when we got a
ll the insurance worked out. I was nervous as we got ushered back to the ultrasound room. The smiling face of the technician helped me to relax. She started the ultrasound and I breathed a huge sigh of relief and wiped away a few tears as I saw our precious new baby for the first time. I had started to grow attached to this child that I hadn't even seen or felt yet. I was almost 12 weeks. You could already see the baby's toes and fingers. She set my due date to May 9th.

The end of October, at 14 1/2 weeks I had a huge scare. I started spotting significantly. I guess it is fairly normal, but I never had anything like that happen with Conner. I was alone at home with Conner. I called the clinic but got put on hold. I tried to call a nurse and got put on hold. Zack was in a lesson and didn't answer his phone. I was afraid. I woke Conner from his nap and started driving to the doctor's office. When I got there I explained to the receptionist what was going on. I was fighting back the tears. When Zack called me back I told him what was happening. I could barely get it out. He had taken the bus to school that day and had no car with him. He was scrambling to try to figure out how to get to me. I was in the waiting room for a very long time. Conner was tired. I had been in such a hurry I didn't even have a drink fo
r him. I finally talked to someone at the desk again and she went back to see how much longer it would be. Conner was crying and I had no one to help me. Zack had still not made it. Finally, I got called back. One of the nurses was holding Conner, who was crying hysterically as I got up on the exam table. I was shaking. I held my breath. There was a heartbeat and everything seemed to be fine. Zack arrived just as I was leaving the clinic. I was put on semi-bed rest until the bleeding stopped. The next week was one of the hardest of my life. What if I was losing the baby. I continued to have bleeding and some cramping for several days. I realized just how much I wanted this baby. I remember thinking, if I lose this baby it will have to be delivered. The bleeding finally stopped. The doctor thought the pressure from the growing baby must have broken a blood vessel. God began to give me peace about this new baby. I knew he would provide for us and give us strength.

We found out in the beginning of December that it would be another boy.

Second pregnancies are so much harder than first. I don't remember ever being that exhausted. Conner was still sleeping so poorly and Zack was gone all the time. I remember falling asleep on the floor in Conner's room while he would play.

Part 2 will continue with the week of the birth...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


This promise encouraged me today.

"Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it."
~Proverbs 22:6

This verse challenged and convicted me.

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your might.
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
You shall teach them diligently to your children,
and shall talk of them when you sit in your house,
and when you walk by the way,
and when you lie down, and when you rise."
~Deuteronomy 6:5-7

God, please give me strength and patience. I feel so inadequate and weary.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Little Encouragements

Isn't it nice how God gives little encouragements when you need them most?

Potty training has not been going so well. I'm trying to remember that we're calling it "potty leaning" and it takes time. He isn't going to learn over night. I knew it would be a slow process, but I didn't think that it would be this slow. Having to stop through out the day and take time for potty breaks has gotten old for both me and Conner. This tired Momma has enough on her plate. God knew both Conner and I needed some encouragement. I was watching Conner and thought maybe he needed to go, but I was too tired to mess with it. Then a miracle happened. He went over to the potty on his own and sat down! I was so excited and made a big deal about it and gave him a prize. When I checked his training pants he had already gone a little in his pants, but that's ok. It was the first time he had realized he was going and tried to do it in the potty. He was just a little late on the timing.

Both boys have been a handful lately. Neither of them have slept well at night or during the day for awhile. It's easy for me to get discouraged and think I'm not a very good Mom and wonder why everyone else seems to have perfect kids. It's so hard to see progress at this age! God allowed me to see some sweetness and progress in Conner last night. Shep was trying to drink for this cup that his a little straw. He was tipping it back to try to drink, but since it has a straw you have to hold the cup down. I might also add that it was Conner's cup of water. Not only did Conner willingly share the water with Shep, but I looked over and he was helping Shep. He was holding the cup down for him to help him drink it.

I know both of those things seem very small, but they encouraged me and reminded me that what I'm doing IS important and that Conner IS learning and growing.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I'm a Big Boy!

Shep really thinks he's a big boy. He thinks he can do whatever Conner does. It's funny how the second child learns certain things much younger just from watching an older sibling(s). I handed him a fork one day to see what he would do with it. He knew just what to do and began to feed himself mango chunks.

He usually favors his right hand, but today he decided to try eating with his left some.

Last night Shep officially slept through the night. He went to bed at 6:30, woke up at 5 am, nursed and went back to sleep until 6:40 am. Woohoo!! I really hope this is a new trend, but I try not to get too excited=P

Shep is real good at clapping and making the "Indian sound" with his hand and mouth. He LOVES to go outside and gets positively giddy if I reach for my keys or start walking towards the door. He loves to go for walks and points the whole time. Conner and I were trying to teach him animals sounds and he growls for all of them.

He's taking steps and loves to show off his walking skills=) I can't believe he'll be one in just a little over 6 weeks! Since I never wrote his birth story or the events leading up to his birth, I'm going to do that soon in honor of his birthday! Stay tuned...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

He Did It!

Today was a good day. Conner pooped in his potty for the first time. I am so proud of him! He has flat out refused anything potty related for the past few months. I think mostly because he is a very busy boy and doesn't want to stop what he's doing to go to the potty. I've been reading a book on potty training and it's been very helpful. I decided to put his potty chair in the living room and that way he has quick access to it. He has training pants and underwear, but he didn't want to wear either. Most of the day he was a little bare bottom so we could work on it.

He showed so much interest today! We talked about it this morning. For some reason I've been dreading this more than anything. I just wish we could work on it a day and move on. It's such a slow process and well, inconvenient. It's overwhelming. I've been thinking and praying about my attitude. You know, potty training is just like anything else. It's not really training. It should be called "potty learning". I'm teaching him to go in the potty just like I taught him to drink from a cup or to count to 10. I also need to keep this in perspective. This is nothing compared to future issues like dating and driving...haha!

The first time he sat on the potty this morning I gave him a prize to encourage him that he tried even though nothing came out. Mid-morning he sat on his potty for quite awhile. I let him watch Curious George and it occupied him. He jumped up and told me he "tooted". We looked in and he had gone!! I was SO excited!! He was SOOO excited. He wanted to call his grandmas. He got to talk to everyone and tell them the news.

We're just going to take it slowly. I know there will be lots of accidents. I want to enjoy this time with him. We sang songs and read books while he sat on the potty. I want him to have fun!

The boys also shared well today and they both napped. Thank you, God for your blessings. It was a good day.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Brother Time!

Instead of telling you about the wonderful time we had in Whole Foods this morning, here are some pictures from some cute brother time! (The Whole Foods fiasco was mostly my fault, because I broke rule of thumb #1, "Don't take your kids to a grocery store when it's lunch time and they are hungry") I'll just let you image what happened.

We had strawberries on the back porch for afternoon snack.

I put them all in one bowl, so we could work on some sharing=)

They did pretty good! I overheard Conner tell Shep, "Don't worry, I'll help you." I asked him where he got that and he said, "Dora".

I think Shep got the one Conner wanted. I reminded him that he told Shep he would help him.

Sharing sweetly again.

Shep is waiting patiently.
Beautiful face!

Conner started being a little possessive and Shep a little greedy. See how close he's holding the bowl. Shep decided there was only thing left to do, climb onto the table.

Conner didn't like it at first.

But then he decided it was funny.

They're learning!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Preschool Time

I've started having a preschool time with Conner for a few minutes during Shep's morning nap. I'm trying to make it a fun, relaxed time of learning! I love teaching. It's so exciting when the light comes on and he understands something! He seems to love learning, too.

First we'll read a story from his bible.

Then we'll work on some letters. Today we used a letter sticker book Mom got him. We also have letter stickers and letter flashcards.

Next we do numbers. Conner can count to 10 well and can count to 20 with help. He can identify some of the numbers, so we're working on that and on counting objects. Today we lined up number flashcards and read a book called "Let's Count Baby Animals". We have number stamps.

I try to incorporate colors and shapes into everything for review.

I'm trying to help him to learn how to follow directions when doing activities. Conner will be starting Sunday school in September. I'm a little anxious about it, since he's never been to preschool or mother's day out, due to lack of money. He goes to story time, so I hope that will help him with learning how to sit still and follow directions. It's hard for me to picture him in Sunday school. I'm trying to remember though, that he will be almost 3 years old at the end of Sept. He'll be different than he is now.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Meltdown Monday

Today has been a day of meltdowns. The kind of day when in trying to help a child get over a meltdown, I introduce something else to do that ends up causing another meltdown. I think little boys get PMS, too. Actually, my kids (especially the oldest one) doesn't get enough sleep. I think that contributes to the problem.

I've been thinking about the Steve Green song "Holding Hands" lately. It was sung at our wedding. I love this song.

One day, far away,
you gently won my heart,
and one night by candle light
we made a vow to never part.
And then it seemed just like a dream
when wide-eyed, side by side,
we faced the future holding hands.

Years fly; they hurry by.
The simple times are gone.
Bills due; a kid or two.
A week can feel eight days long.
By fading light let's kiss good night,
and then we trace God's daily grace,
thankful we're still holding hands.

There's a hope that won't let go.
There's a truth we know;
God is holding us in His arms.

Thoughts stray far away
to all that lies ahead;
in frail days, when strength fades,
will we still mean all that we said?
Our love's secure, so rest assured,
come way may, 'til that day
we'll walk forever holding hands.

By God's grace, 'til that day
we'll walk forever holding hands.

The second verse really describes our life right now. I'm so grateful that I get to hold Zack's hand through it all and that God holds us in His hands. Right now the 2 years until Zack's done with school seem to be about 20 years. I miss him.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Around Town

Spring is definitely here. Mom and Trent have been visiting this week. Having company is a great excuse to go to fun places. On Wednesday we grabbed some burgers at P. Terry's and headed to the park.

We road the train. Shep was mesmerized.

Downtown and river view.

Went to the Farmer's Market this morning. Got some fresh Butternut Squash Ravioli, humus, and a tomato plant. (Any tips on growing tomatoes in a pot?) Next took a stroll down SoCo. Had a slice of pizza for lunch at this place.

hey cupcake!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

What's His Name?

Conner has a new friend named Noah. We went over to his house to play yesterday afternoon. He had never met Noah before and on our way over to his house we had this conversation.

Me "Conner, we're going over to Noah's house. I think he has a dog."

Conner smiled, "See his dog." "See his pig."

Me "I don't think Noah has a pig. Maybe he has a toy pig, though."

Conner "See all the animals."

Me "See all the animals? What animals? Maybe Noah has some toy animals."

Conner "See all the animals come out!"

Me "Come out??" "Ohhhhhhh, see them come out of the ark?"

Conner smiled real big and said, "Noah's ark!!"

Conner loves the song "Who Built the Ark" and we got him a little story Bible for his birthday. Hence the confusion=)

Monday, March 1, 2010

Sleep Deprivation

I almost got a good night's sleep last night. I think Shep would have slept all night, if Conner hadn't woken up at 4 am. When Conner wakes up, he doesn't just cry, he screams. It took Shep almost an hour of crying in his bed to fall back asleep. Zack and I ended up on the couch and love seat for the rest of the night and Conner woke up bright and early at 6:30.

I've never been a morning person and my boys are. I've never been good at functioning on little sleep. Most nights I get around 6 hrs. I'm a wimp, I know.

Sometimes I feel like I never get a break from being a Mom. I never get to just be Molly or just be a wife. I think the biggest surprise of motherhood was what a 24/7 job it is. I knew babies required a lot of care, but I think I still somehow thought I would get to sleep in etc. Haha!!

I thought Shep was going to be a good sleeper. He slept well the first 4 months, but the last 6 months, well...I made some mistakes with Conner and I tried to learn from them. I think the main reason Shep doesn't sleep is that he has to be in our room. We wake him up. Our apartment situation isn't ideal. We have two bedrooms and they share a wall.

I've struggled from time to time with wondering why I'm the one who has to have kids that don't sleep at night. I've read a lot about it and tried different methods, but they just haven't worked. I see people who don't do anything at all to get their kids to sleep. Their kids just do it on their own. I get discouraged about it. It seems like such a small thing for God to do. God, you created the universe, can't you please make my babies sleep tonight? Sometimes I feel like I would be a much better Mom, if I just had a little more energy!

I know this is a small thing. I know it will pass. I know God IS good and He IS teaching me things through this little trial. I just get weary.