In the Beginning Part 1

Here is Shep's Story, Part 1. It's more for me than for anyone else. With Shep's 1st birthday fast approaching I find myself forgetting so many little details that you think you would never forget.

It was Sept 2, 2008 around 1 pm. Conner was 7 1/2 months old. I was beginn

ing to think something must be up. I was tired. Much more tired than usually. I was having to go to the bathroom all the time and I suspected my milk was drying up. What if I was pregnant...again. I had already had one "unplanned" pregnancy. I had a pregnancy test at home. I took it, turned it over and left the room. I was afraid to look. I finally got the courage to turn it over. It was positive. I was in shock. I started crying, asking God why this was happening. We lived in a 700 square foot apartment. Zack would still have 3 more years of school. We had no money, no insurance and no family around to help.

Spencer and Ashley had gotten engaged the week-end before. Literally, a few minutes after I found out I was pregnant, Ashley called me to ask me to be in the wedding! She said it would be in May. I remember thinking, a new baby, a graduation and a wedding...this is going to be a busy month!

I know this sounds weird, but I didn't tell Zack until Saturday morning. I knew he wouldn't be upset, but I was in denial. He was playing with Conner on the couch. I showed him the test and told him Conner was going to be a big brother. He was excited. Two of his brothers are about 16 mo apart and best friends. He was excited for Conner to have a sibling to grow up with. Seeing his excitement and thinking about how fun it would be to have two little ones growing up together made me more excited.

Slowly I began to get more excited. I saw a newborn in church one Sunday and felt something welling up within me. The baby was so tiny and beautiful.

I wasn't able to go to the doctor until the October when we got a

ll the insurance worked out. I was nervous as we got ushered back to the ultrasound room. The smiling face of the technician helped me to relax. She started the ultrasound and I breathed a huge sigh of relief and wiped away a few tears as I saw our precious new baby for the first time. I had started to grow attached to this child that I hadn't even seen or felt yet. I was almost 12 weeks. You could already see the baby's toes and fingers. She set my due date to May 9th.

The end of October, at 14 1/2 weeks I had a huge scare. I started spotting significantly. I guess it is fairly normal, but I never had anything like that happen with Conner. I was alone at home with Conner. I called the clinic but got put on hold. I tried to call a nurse and got put on hold. Zack was in a lesson and didn't answer his phone. I was afraid. I woke Conner from his nap and started driving to the doctor's office. When I got there I explained to the receptionist what was going on. I was fighting back the tears. When Zack called me back I told him what was happening. I could barely get it out. He had taken the bus to school that day and had no car with him. He was scrambling to try to figure out how to get to me. I was in the waiting room for a very long time. Conner was tired. I had been in such a hurry I didn't even have a drink fo

r him. I finally talked to someone at the desk again and she went back to see how much longer it would be. Conner was crying and I had no one to help me. Zack had still not made it. Finally, I got called back. One of the nurses was holding Conner, who was crying hysterically as I got up on the exam table. I was shaking. I held my breath. There was a heartbeat and everything seemed to be fine. Zack arrived just as I was leaving the clinic. I was put on semi-bed rest until the bleeding stopped. The next week was one of the hardest of my life. What if I was losing the baby. I continued to have bleeding and some cramping for several days. I realized just how much I wanted this baby. I remember thinking, if I lose this baby it will have to be delivered. The bleeding finally stopped. The doctor thought the pressure from the growing baby must have broken a blood vessel. God began to give me peace about this new baby. I knew he would provide for us and give us strength.

We found out in the beginning of December that it would be another boy.

Second pregnancies are so much harder than first. I don't remember ever being that exhausted. Conner was still sleeping so poorly and Zack was gone all the time. I remember falling asleep on the floor in Conner's room while he would play.

Part 2 will continue with the week of the birth...